Miracles on 59th Street

I was reading my daily devotion in "One Day At A Time In Alanon" this morning and the concept of miracles absolutely struck me. I am so quick to accept and expect others miracles as my own. I had to read the page four times to let it all sink in.

"One Day..." states that our alcoholic finding sobriety is absolutely a miracle, but not my miracle. What an astounding concept. I am always so quick to take everything so personally, which is actually a form of control. I feel blessed that my qualifiers no longer live in the same home as me and I am not directly effected by their drinking anymore, but I find myself in a relationship with an Adult Child and we often assume many of the same qualities of an active alcoholic. I found that replacing the word "alcoholic" with the word "adult child" helped me today to realize that I do not have the right to accept his recovery for my own. The only person's recovery I am responsible for is me.

What an empowering concept. One that takes a lot of pressure off of me and allows me to focus on myself and look at my own recovery. Alanon will help me make something of my own life. I am not responsible for the adult child's recovery.

Today's Reminder:

"The adult child member, however close to me, is the concern of his friends in ACOA. He must be left free to follow the program in his own way. If I am truly grateful, I will keep hands off."

What an important reminder. I am so quick to always be thinking about others. I must try one day at a time to keep the focus on myself and my relationship with my HP.

Today I am grateful for:

Alanon/ACOA

The beautiful weather her in the NE

My home meeting this evening

Trusting- Well trying to trust.

The Light Bulb Moment

I rediscovered Alanon a little over two months ago. Some people have that light bulb moment of awareness when they realize that their lives have been affected by alchololism. I feel that I have known my whole life that I was affected and continue to be affected by the disease. I first came to Alanon as a teen. I participated in Alateen, but never grasped the full understanding of the program. It wasnt until very recently that I finally had the light bulb moment... like the sun rising out of a black sky.

I found myself at 28 years old in another failed relationship, a mediocre job and a social life revolving around the next night out or party. I decided to start living through the pain that I have been trying so hard to cover up. Life is hard, but its better than not living at all. I have no idea what I want in life. I have never actually taken the time to figure that out, but through this program I am beginning to learn what I don't want. Piece by piece... one imperfect day at a time.

I have been inspired by the people I have met and have read about over the past months. I hope and pray that through meetings, keeping this journal and my HP that one day at a time I will continue to discover me.