Playing Catch Up- Part 1

I have so much to write about and so much to catch up on. I am having difficulty finding a place to start. I have a feeling that my next few posts will be long... winding and paraphrasing from Cat.. with some short trips to crazy town. My trip to Germany was wonderful. It was full of fun, love, laughter... a little frustration and acceptance... and gratitude for my family and my home. I find myself happy to be home with a schedule, program and a sense of order.

I am going to post some pictures as well and summary of events for both all of you and myself. I was not as good at journaling as I would have liked to have been while in Europe. Little L. and I left on Saturday December 20, 2008 and arrived in Hamburg, Germany Sunday December 21, 2008. We had no weather delays but sat on the tarmac for two hours prior to our flight due to a broken plane in front of us. My trip over was how shall I say... miserable. We had two children behind us who proceeded to kick the back of our seats for the full seven and half hour flight. All bratty children aside we made it safely and I was more than happy to see my sister and her husband. I would also like to take a moment to say that for us codey's flying really is a brilliant lesson in letting go. I mean talk about the lack of control. I nearly had an anxiety attack waiting for my luggage to come. What an awful feeling that is. Sitting there watching everyone Else's luggage drop out of that little hole. All in all no lost luggage and safe trip to my sisters apartment about an hour away in a town called Bremen, Germany. It is an adorable little city with above ground trams and a river running through it. It is actually the town that Becks Beer is produced. We took a tour of the brewery the second week of our trip. The process is actually pretty cool.

***So that everyone has some clue-- I have curly hair (in most of the pictures) and I am the oldest of the three. OK is middle child and is tan (she goes tanning because its the only way she can deal with the lack of sun in North West Germany) and Little L. is obviously the youngest and the one with the incredible green eyes. Chatzy (which means honey or darling in German- and the nickname that we chose and he cant live down) is basically the only male you will see in all of the pictures. Lucky him ;)

Christmas Markets

I had never seen OK's apartment before, so it was nice to put a visual with all the explanations. They have a cute modern one bedroom about a five minute walk from the city. We had lunch, took a nap and in the evening headed out to the Christmas market. The Christmas markets in Germany are amazing. They start at the end of November and last all the way until Christmas eve. They construct houses filled with food, drink and shops. Each night everyone meets at the market to eat, drink, and enjoy time with friends and family. We spent three nights in total at the markets eating Bratwursts, potato pancakes, fried fish, chocolate and this great wine drink called Gluewhein. You heat red wine and then set flame to sugar cane and pour rum over the cane. Everything melts together to create a hot, sweet, killer of a hangover drink. Little L. and I met many of my sisters friends. A few of them, she teaches English to and they were excited to practice their skills with us. It was a nice treat for me because I was able to actually speak and understand someone. Much of the trip the four of us were only able to communicate with each other. You have no idea how tiring that gets sometimes.

German Christmas

Christmas eve we went to Chatzy's moms house. We started eating at 3PM and didn't finished until almost 10PM. I thought I might pop. It is German custom that you eat dessert first on Christmas Eve. Mama makes this delicious baked apple that she cores and fills with marzipan, raisins, sugar and nuts. There is a picture of it that above. After dessert hour we toast and chat. Then there is the cheese plate and presents. They use real candles on their Christmas trees. It is truly beautiful. The first candles are gold and then red there after. Finally, after presents comes dinner. We enjoyed a spread of Mediterranean food and happily put our traditional new pajamas on... finally crawling into bed after 11PM. Christmas morning brought another spread for brunch and then we rolled ourselves to the car in order to drive home to have our own "American Christmas" with gifts from each other and my mom. We decorated the tree, opened presents in turn, sang Christmas songs, made dinner and opened stockings. We all missed my mom very much, but we made a video of us and will send it to her to watch. It was an especially special Christmas because the three girls were together as adults. I was able to purchase special presents for each of them and it felt good to be able to spend money and not have to worry about bouncing my rent check. I feel grateful that I am finally in a place where I can give to myself and others.

American Christmas

We all chipped in to make Christmas dinner which was lamb, German dumplings, brussel sprouts and salad. We watched 'Friends' together and headed to bed at a reasonable hour because we had to catch a flight to Milan, Italy the next day. I think I will stop there for today. Italy is an interesting adventure and I think best left for another day.

My trip also included an overload on my self-esteem, a struggle to follow program in the midst of two weeks without meetings, tolerance of four adults living in a one bedroom apartment and a whole hell of a lotta time with family. I love my sisters very much, I would die for them, but let me tell you sometimes I really wanna kill them myself. It taught me acceptance and tolerance- and lack there of tolerance at some points. The trip brought out some of my best qualities and some defects that need to be changed. I have come to see that my self-dialogue with and about myself is not really so good. Now it is up to me to try to change that.

Today I am grateful for:

My family

My God

The opportunity to spend time with my sisters and to go to Europe

One day at a time

Viele Gruesse aus Deutschland

Greetings from Germany! I just wanted to say thank you for everyone wh said prayers for me. I talked to Little L. and worked everything out. We are having so much fun here. The plane ride was long and not very much fun bu we made it safely. HP had some good lessons in Letting go of what I have no control over. Exampe: broken plane ahead of us that caused us to sit on the tarmac for 2 hours before take off. :)

It has been a wonderful visit so far. We have had very full days and the jet lag is pretty much over with. All we have done is eat good food and drink germain beer and this hot wine drink called gluehwein. It's yummy. We had traditional Bavarian German on Sunday night and last night we had potato pancakes and some yummy meat at the Christmas market. The market is really fun with beautifully contsructed houses selling food, presents and wine. Everyone gather together in the sqaure to enjoy each others company. Today we will go to happy hour in Bremen and then come home and cook dinner and decorate the Christmas tree.

It has been nice to spend time with my sisters and to be able to share with them my experience with ACOA. We read the laundry list this morning for Adult Children. We all laughed at how much we related to everything on the list.

I hope everyone has a peaceful and joyful Holiday. Thanks for all the love and support. I have a lot of Catching up to do on blogs. Peace and Serenity.

Today I am grateful for:

My trip to Germany
My family
Christmas
Good food and drink
laughing
HP
Saying what I mean and meaning what I say (most of the time)

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Hi Everyone! I have so much catching up to do. I have been super busy preparing for my trip to Germany. There is so much to get in order before Saturday. I have been cleaning, Christmas shopping, wrapping and catching up with friends before I leave on my two week journey. Everything here is great with me. I can't remember the last time I have said that. I feel such a peace and serenity the last week or two. It's not that I don't still have problems, but my overall attitude, practice of the program and relationship with HP has been helping me with gratitude.

Some quick updates. I had a wonderful day with my mom on Saturday. We went to the Christmas market in Union Square in NYC. We shopped and had lunch. We talked and laughed and caught up. I told her about my program and she talked about hers and what helped her in Al-Anon. We talked about family and K2. She said she has noticed that I seem to be in a better place about the situation. I agreed. I see how completely powerless I am with the situation. It makes it all easier to let go of that way. I spent Sunday home giving my puppy a hair cut and cleaning my apartment. I have noticed that I don't mind spending time along anymore. I went to church on Sunday and made a big pot of chili in the afternoon. I am starting to do things I like instead of always worrying about everyone else.

I am finished shopping and I am just waiting for the rest of my on-line purchases to show up. I started wrapping presents last night and need to think about the mountain of laundry that needs to be done in order for me to pack. I have something to do each night in order to have everything squared away for Saturday.

I helped chair a meeting yesterday afternoon and was asked to qualify when I return from Germany. I have my business meeting on Thursday at my home ACOA and plan to volunteer again for service. I am making connections in meetings and writing out my Christmas cards. Dinner tomorrow with a good friend and celebrating Christmas with my mom, her boyfriend and my youngest sister on Friday night.

God is helping me to see all the amazing things in my life and everything I have to be grateful for. Oh, and it's been snowing her in NY today. :)

Today I am grateful for:

My gratitude
HP
Holiday season
Germany- 4 days!
Everyone here in the blogo-sphere
Steps 1,2,3
SNOW
Oh, and maybe free tickets to Neil Young tonight! He has been my favorite singer since I was like 5 years old

A Pocket Full of Goodness

I am feeling unsettled and a little grumpy at the moment so I thought this would be as good a time as any to write about all the good things going on in my life right now. I read my devotional this morning in 'One Day At a Time in Al-Anon' and it talked about learning to see everything with a "fresh eye." I am so quick to point out the negatives in my life that often times I don't stop to appreciate all the happiness.

The most exciting thing going on for me right now is my trip to Europe in less than two weeks. My middle sister lives in Germany with her husband and my youngest sister and I will be flying out there in less than two weeks to visit them. We are going for two whole weeks!!! I am so excited. I have not had this much time off since college. I think it is going to be a really great trip. We leave on the 20th and don't get back until January 3rd. During the middle weekend of our vacation we are flying to Milan, Italy for four days. I have never been to Italy. It is going to be so great. I will be sure to take thousands of pictures to bore you all with when I get back. I am happy that the three of us will be together for the holiday. I am a little sad as well because this will be the first Christmas I have ever spent without my mom and I am 28 years old. I think she is sad too, but happy that the three of us will be together. My mom has her boyfriend and his family to spend the holidays with so I know she will not be alone. We will be spending Christmas eve at my sister's husbands families house. Christmas eve is the big event in Germany. We will decorate the tree, open presents and have a wonderful meal together. German tradition is to have dessert first before any other course. I thought that was silly at first but the change of pace is a lot of fun. There is a great Christmas market (P.S. that picture above is the market, cool huh) in the town my sister lives in and we will get to enjoy that for three days. We will have our own Christmas dinner the next day with just the four of us where will will exchange our own presents. We leave the day after Christmas for Italy. OK and Chatz live in North West Germany so it will be pretty cold there. I always ask her why she couldn't have chosen someplace tropical. Oh well. I am hoping to check out some museums, see some great architecture, eat some great food and drink some yummy beer. Becks is brewed in the town my sister lives. I am very much looking forward to the trip and spending time with my sisters. We are all so different, but yet in our adulthood have really (for the most part) come to accept, understand and love one another.

Another good thing, which I mentioned the other day is my fantasy football league. There are 12 of us in total and I am now in round 3 of the play offs and the only woman left. I totally love football... like don't miss a game, glued to the TV, every man's dream love football. My team name is 'Livin On A Prayer' which seems appropriate because every week I should lose but my team manages to pull it out in the end. I am a huge NE Patriots fan oh and Boston Red Sox. (I am sure I just made tons of enemies right here). But like it or not I was born and raised in NE. This is my first fantasy league and I'm pretty stoked at how well I have done and how much I have learned. I like being able to talk intelligently about the game. I really find it annoying when chics pretend to like the game in order to get a guys attention. No time for that nonsense.

Lastly, and I am almost afraid to jinx it... I have been feeling much better about K2. I still miss him, but this week has not been consumed with thoughts of him and us and what I want to be. We talked last Wednesday for awhile and I think I finally heard him for the first time. I am always so quick to hear the 'I love you' and disregard the BUT that comes after it. I finally hear the BUT and realized how absolutely powerless I am over the whole thing. That has helped immensely over the last week. I have made it my mantra for the last week to say and do steps 1,2,3 every day. Today I am powerless over alcohol, over K2, over anyone but myself. If I try to exert power over them my life will be unmanageable. Today I believe that my HP, God can restore me to sanity. Today I make the decision to turn my life and will over to you, God. I repeat this over and over whenever I need to.

And lastly, I have started going to church again. I have a really amazing HP is totally in control story about church but this post is already too long and I know a lot of you are skimming through (not that I ever do that **big grin**) Church has been good. I am taking the "take what you like and leave the rest approach" right now. It seems to be working.

Today I am grateful for:

Feeling better about my rotten mood after pointing out all the good in my life

Steps 1,2,3

HP

My upcoming vacation

Program

Having money to Christmas shop this year.. actually having money to pay all of my bills on time and not having to worry about checks bouncing

'Six Feet Under'- its totally one of the best shows ever and I can totally relate program to it all of the time

Hump day

This lovely warm weather in NYC. Lovin' it!

Thankfulness

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving. For those who had a difficult day it is nice to know that the time has now past and today is a new day. I experienced my most peaceful and serene Thanksgiving of my life this year. It was wonderful. Although there were a few moments of sadness my thankfulness for everything I have in my life picked me up and cradled me through the day.

It was a quiet day. It was me, my mom and her boyfriend and Little L. Everyone just sat back, relaxed and enjoyed the food and company. It was my most sober Thanksgiving. Usually, everyone in my family is drinking (because they are alcoholics) or drinking because they are trying to deal with the alcoholic. This year, we didn't even get through a bottle of wine with dinner. My mom and I did all of the cooking. It was so relaxed and enjoyable. We started early and took our time. We had dinner in courses and didn't rush through. It made the dinner that much more special. We each went around the dinner table and expressed what we are grateful for. This is a bit difficult for me because I have trouble expressing my feelings sometimes to others, but it was well worth it. The food, and the company and the peacefulness of the day was just what I needed. I had a few moments of sadness and self-pity, but mostly I was just so happy that today I can do things differently. I can change. Although it is hard at times... I do have choices.

Today I am grateful for:

A beautiful sunny day

A peaceful and happy Thanksgiving

My family

Spending time with my little sister

Kind greetings from friends, family and bloggers :)

My HP

Choices and change (even when its painful and difficult)

Encouragement from others

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween to everyone. I am very excited for 5PM today. Some friends and I will be dressing up and going to the Annual NYC Village Parade this evening. It is always crazy and lots of fun. This year I am dressing up as a police officer. I bought my costume last night- its half home made, half store bought. Wow, its amazing to me how busy Halloween stores are the day before the holiday. People were actually waiting in line just to get it. Anyway, I am excited and I think it is going to be a lot of fun. I need a good fun night out with the girls. We will take lots of pictures I am sure.

Today I am grateful for:

Friday!

Halloween with my friends

Beautifully warm falls days

My HP