Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Three C's

I didn't cause it, I cant control it, and I cant cure it. This is my mantra for the day. What a blessing from God. I see many blessings from God lately. I am making a point to be more observant of that... seeing the glass as half full instead of empty. I called K2 today just to say hello and he was just in a very bad space. I actually thought for a minute something was really wrong (like life and death wrong-he is a detective). I was happy to hear that it was just emotional/work stuff. As soon as I heard him my first reaction was to try to fix it- do something, say something to make it better. Great news! Nothing I can do about it. If he is sad, upset etc. that is his responsibility. It has nothing to do with me. I didn't cause it, I cant control it and I certainly cant cure it. I suggested he might feel better after a meeting and I invited him out to watch the football game with us tonight and then I hung up. I didn't beg him to tell me what was wrong, I didn't ask him if it was because of me, I didn't try to make him feel better. I told him I can relate. I told him yesterday was a hard day for me so I went to a noon meeting and afterward I felt much better. I told him that I would like his company tonight. And then I told him to have a good day and I would talk to him later. That is a huge Yay! for me.

I still had the same initial thoughts. I still wanted to text him something nice and sappy after we hung up. I still had a few moments of feeling like it was all about me. But I was able to hang up on pain today. I feel much better. I will have a fun time tonight and recognize that everyone has their own feelings and everyone has a bad day(s). It is not my responsibility to step in and make everything better.

I also talked to my sister today. OK has recently started attending Adult Child meetings in Germany where she is living. It has been such a blessing. She has been feeling so much better and I can already see a difference in how she handles her daily life. I am so appreciative because it is allowing us to really understand one other on a whole new level. Areas where the both of us never could see eye to eye have now brought us closer together. I am so grateful for a family where recovery is talked about and encouraged. I am thankful for the tools of this program... and I am so happy that I am able to share them with my mom and sisters. Thank God for this program.

Today I am thankful for:

My home ACOA meeting
My sister and the continued growth of our relationship and understanding of one another.
Getting together tonight with my friends to watch the Patriots play the Jets.
One day at a time
Improvements... even if they are small


Cat said...

Ya know what Kristen I think I need to borrow your mantra today and use it for the rest of the day - I think that would be a very good thing for me.

I am so glad that you embraces the whole 'it's not my probelm' thing when K2 was unhappy. Good for you - sometimes that is the hardest thing to do - remain in your own moment and let them have theirs.

be well.


Syd said...

It's still hard for me to not want to smooth things over. I know better but it is like a drug sometimes: To want to make the person I love feel better which makes me feel better. And round and round we go. Thanks for expressing these things that go through my head still. I fight the urge now and realize that we each have our own ups and downs. I pay for my own ride, not for the other person.


I adored your comment, "I was able to hang up on pain today." Wow - great.

I am so grateful for the Alanon program that has helped me understand I can't fix anyone.

Pam said...

That is one of my favorite mantras also!
I use it all the time when I'm dealing with my children.
Yay YOU!

big Jenn said...

Great post. Thank you. jeNN