Friday, November 21, 2008

Moving Forward

TGIF! It's amazing what a meeting, a decent night's sleep and some praying will do for you. I feel SO much better today. Thanks everyone for your love and support. Yesterday certainly wasn't one of my best days. It is almost time for me to start my weekend. Yay!


I text K2 yesterday evening asking him when he was available to talk. He is going to call tomorrow morning and stop by my apartment. I cant imagine it will take long, but after everything we have been through in the last months (and the fact that he is my mom's BF brother) I feel like it is important that we take the time to talk face to face. Basically, tomorrow I have to tell him that although I love him and care for him very much I cant see him anymore. It is over. I accept him for who he is, but that doesn't mean I have to accept his behaviors for my own. I can no longer be a part of this little dance. I am done looking at what could be, and I am accepting what is. With that acceptance I realize I can no longer spend time with him. I will not heal if I do. I am scared as hell to do this. Men usually break up with me. And then I let it drag on forever. Actually standing up for myself, speaking my feelings and being the one to end things scares me half to death. It will really be over. No going back. I am trusting in God. He knows what is best and I know he will help me through this difficult time. This is truly God helping me break an unhealthy pattern in my life... and although I am sad and fearful.. I have hope because I know it is truly the right thing to do.

Please send your prayers and thoughts in my direction. I am going to need them. Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the very chilly weather (if you live in the North East).

Today I am grateful for:

Faith in my HP.
The weekend and sleeping in a bit.
Doing what I know is right.
Spending Sunday with my mom cooking and preparing for Thanksgiving.
Relaxing Friday evenings
Lots of heat in my apartment
Hope

8 comments:

Syd said...

Kristen, glad that you are feeling better today. And that you are recognizing a better way of life through your HP and the program. Have a peaceful day.

jiggins said...

Making a thought-full decision and following through with it.. is a really great feeling. You are doing what you feel is right for you. You have much love and support.. it may not be easy, but what do we compare it to in that case? What is EASY? You are strong.. good work.. sending some positive vibes your way.. NOW :)

Cat said...

I will be thining about you and sending good wishes your way tomorrow - sometimes the hardest things for us to do are the best things to take care of ourselves!

Cat

PRAYER GIRL said...

I've been there and had to do that. I know it's not easy, but you're right - God is helping you break that unhealthy pattern and there is hope. A new door can open somewhere in your future because you are closing this one.

Good luck and prayers are being sent your way,
Prayer Girl

big Jenn said...

I'm confused. I thought he wasn't keeping in touch with you? It sounded like you had already broken up. Am I not getting it? I hope it all goes well. Changing behaviors is harder than what you put on paper.jeNN

Patty said...

Consider yourself prayed for today and every day by me!

Lou said...

Hope it went well. I hear in your post you are still torn.

Pam said...

Thinking of you girl.