I am finally feeling better. Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes and good vibes. Friday evening I decided to stay home and recuperate from my cold over the week. I was enjoying the quiet, laying on my couch with my puppy (I recently got cable and have been sort of enthralled for the last week or so) but at the same time was also looking forward to my Saturday evening plans with K1. God wanted to gently teach me a lesson in letting go. K1 called me Friday night to tell me that plans changed and he had to work Saturday night. It almost immediately put me into a tail spin. The thought of spending my entire weekend alone in my apartment almost got the better of me. It is actually a physical reaction... my body starts in on a panic attack. I stopped, took a few breathes and said to myself "K, just for today you will live in the day and not worry about tomorrow." I constantly tell myself One Day At A Time... but rarely listen to my own mantras. It worked by golly. I refused to allow myself to stress about tomorrow's plans. It made for a much more pleasant evening.
Best part was... I ended up getting together with K1 after all. We just switched things around a little and I was able to get all my laundry done on top of it. Score! I refused to make plans ahead of time and everything worked out just fine. I am one of those people that on Wednesday I am already making plans for the weekend because I am scared to death to be alone. I am learning that living one day at a time is a lot less stressful and a lot more fun. I am learning to trust God a little bit more every day. When I am constantly worrying about whats coming next I am missing out on what is in front of me.
I am also learning that my disease is never going to go away. The behaviors that took 28 years to manifest don't disappear over night. It is up to me to change the pattern. My initial reaction might be one of panic, stress and worry but I can choose trust, faith and hope in God. I am pretty sure that makes for a healthier happier life.
Today I am grateful for:
Living one day a time
A new way of life