Thursday, December 4, 2008

Thank You

Thank you everyone for your love and support even when and most importantly when I don't want to hear it. It can be quite difficult to face your demons. I know I have a lot of character defects I need to work on, but for today I am proud of myself for at least speaking them out loud. There was a time where I would have never recognized my need for change. Today everything seems just a little brighter. I am happy to be getting my feelings out there... working through them and actually paying attention to my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes I feel that I am complaining or that I am obsessing (usually I am). I realized it doesn't matter though. Writing in this blog is for me... and I can say whatever I damn well please. I don't need to worry about being boring, ugly, unfunny, annoying or any of the other million bad things that can pop into my head. This blog is for me and my healing. That being said I certainly hope that I am able to reach others, help others and I certainly appreciate the love and support. It is just important for me to acknowledge that I am doing this for me and my recovery.

I have never really told my story and I don't much have the patience for it today. Steve-O-roni was asking if I was AA. I am not... although that does not make me a stranger to the many members. I consider myself ACOA, Al anon-er and newly recovering (certainly not newly realized) Cody. My father is my main qualifier. He still actively drinks. My mom was my codependant inspiration. Boy, was a good learner! I have since been involved with and befriended many other alcoholics, addicts and adult children. I am only just now in the last (almost 6 months) beginning to unravel my past and begin the recovery process.

Too warn down to discuss in detail my conversation with K2 last night. All I can say is that it is bringing me one step further in the recovery process. Yesterday was bad, today is a lot better. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel yesterday... today I can. I will go to my home ACOA meeting tonight and keep plugging along one day at a time.

Today I am grateful for:

A light at the end of the tunnel
My home ACOA
Caring and support from others
Catching up with friends
The holidays
A quick work week
This to shall pass

8 comments:

jiggins said...

You said it best - It's Progress, Not Perfection. We are the stories that defines us. Tell it when you wish and reside in the satisfaction that you are getting to know yourself better than ever. We cannot be comfortable with the LOVE of another until we can LOVE the BEing that we have become, or wish to be. Much love to you! Get some rest- drink some water.. haha..always good advice that helps me. Be well.

Cat said...

Kristen - I am thinking of ya.

Cat

Syd said...

I've often said that in Al-Anon we share so many of the same feelings and "isms" as the alcoholic. We just do our thing sober.

I'm glad that you write about what you think and feel. It is a healing process.

~Tyra~ said...

Glad you're having a better day.

PRAYER GIRL said...

This reminds me of more than one good friend I've had over the years who said, "It was as though I had a sign on the front of me saying - alcoholics welcome." They would no sooner get rid of one before they would get another.

I was married to an active alcoholic.

The only way I got off the
merry-go-round was to end up an alcoholic myself, then find Alcoholics Anonymous and eventually Al-Anon too.

Thank God!

Heather said...

It takes courage to face who you see in the mirror. I am so grateful that you've shared some of your burdens with others who will help you carry the load. In turn, you inspire me to be real and honest when looking at myself. Thank you so much for sharing.

steveroni said...

To: "Not an AA".
Kristen, I hope you'll continue to allow me to be a blog-friend. You are right in the center of 'alcoholism', as I could see it.

My wife is Alanon, and I receive far more 'understandable' words of recovery from her than from alcoholics--oh yeah, she IS also an AA -grin.

Again, I'm glad you're getting to you ACOA meeting tonight. It is important to be with people we know, people who are dealing with the same issues, people who are helping each other.

That's quite enough out of me...

J-Online said...

Wishing you a better day today. My experience has been that the program(s) have taught me how to live out the bad days and enjoy the good. It gets better. Thinking of you! Jen