Monday, March 22, 2010

Thirty

It has come to my attention, unwillingly of course that I am "the woman with issues". I turned 30 years old on March 14, 2010. Instead of joy, I brought pain upon my family and most importantly myself. I had a minor melt-down which prompted in a large fight with my family and the realization that I am not happy. I am not happy at all. When am I going to stop letting my past dictate my present. 30 seems like good timing to me. I am not sure where to begin on all of this. It has been a long time. Over a year since my last post. Much has changed and even more has stayed the same.

My mom bought me a book about a year ago. I read the first few pages and set it back on my book shelf. Yesterday I picked it up again. I think it might be time. I need to stop carrying around all of this hurt and anger. I need to learn to forgive the people that hurt me. I need to learn how to forgive myself. I am most scared of letting go. Once I have done that, what will I have left? I am looking to re-write my story. I don’t want to be "the woman with issues anymore".

I will be reading 'The Forgiveness Formula' by Kathleen Griffin over the next months. I am hoping to use this blog to work through the pain, anger, hurt and sadness. I am hoping to forgive.

3 comments:

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Kristen...I am SO glad to see you're back, I kept you on my followers gadget in case you came back as your blog was always honest and I felt as though you were really writing your feelings and processing your life...I hope to keep reading and hope that you keep writing..you will continue to grow...and the places of the past will continue to be in the past, just keep asking yourself..."how's my now?"
Hope to keep reading you and glad you came back...

big hugs
Gabi

Syd said...

I had to forgive myself first. And was able to do that. I still have my moments when I am too hard on myself. But I don't carry any grudges towards others. Letting go of the pain opens the way to feel happy, have compassion, be accepting, and to love others more.

Peggy G said...

Baby steps, forgive, staying in the present. All just words, but when I allow mp HP to swirl them in my mind they bring HEALING in my life. I look forward to your sharing your journey. Thanks for your honesty about your pain.